The mirror and what I found

Mirror, mirror on the wall:

Why do I rely on you?

To tell me if,

I’m beautiful?

For the world says...

You must look like this.

But my God says...

You are beautiful just,

 the way I made you!

That was an excerpt from my poem "Mirror". To give you a back story: I struggled with finding beauty in myself. I always compared myself to the images I saw on the TV. Magazines, or the other girls around me. I thought that if I wasn't the girl who looked that certain way that I would never be loved or cherished. I wrote the poem "Mirror" during a time when God was working in me. He was teaching me that in the mirror, I had created an idol from which  I was looking to for purpose and fulfillment. In doing so, I was always tearing myself down or at my worst being very restrictive of what I ate (I was on the brink of an eating disorder when God used some godly christian women to speak truth to me). My doctor was getting concerned at my weight loss. I had went from one extreme to another and God soon allowed me to be knocked down. I developed panic attacks and anxiety that would cripple me. During this time God used it to speak truth to me. Truth that I was beautiful, cherished, and loved. I didn't need to strive to become "beautiful" as the world deems it. I was already, beautiful in the eyes of my creator, the one who formed me in my mother's womb. I was valued, enough to die for! 

God did an amazing work in my life. Yes. I have struggled since then in being tempted to be considered beautiful by the world's or others standards. When I do, I have to be intentional with my thoughts and to focus on that which is true. I may not be what others would consider "hot" or "drop dead gorgeous". To my God, I am beautiful and there is beauty within that shines through (that comes from my Lord shining through).  I want to be a good steward of the "tent" my soul is dwelling in while I am here on this earth. Knowing where I have been and where I could have gone, I have to find the beautiful balance of being healthy yet not obsessive. It is a daily, step by step process with my Lord. When I say negative things about my looks I am in reality trying to make my "mirror" an idol again. My beauty is not just found in my physical, for that will fade. But my beauty comes from having a personal relationship with Jesus. For I am set apart, marked for more than what this world has to offer me. I want to be a woman that is fashioned after Proverbs 31, a woman who delights in the Lord in all circumstances. 

I have a light within me, should I hide it from the world who needs it? No, however when I speak and tear myself down, I am doing just that... I am hiding the beauty that is found within. For all those around me see is me being discontent and insecure; placing emphasis on the world's standards and not the truth of God's word. I pray, that you the reader don't take me as being prideful in saying these things. I know, that I don't measure up to the standards around me. I have found the beauty in not fitting the mold, because that means that the Lord can shine even brighter through me if I allow Him to. I want those around me to see the truths of who God is and what He does in a life surrendered to Him. I need to be intentional with what I say or think. I don't want to be a stumbling block for others or for myself. Above all, I want to bring glory and honor to my Lord. 

Here is the ending to my poem Mirror:

Mirror, mirror on the wall:

you are not going to hold me back anymore.

For when I look at myself through you

I see a monster, who will never make it.

But when I look at myself through

My Gods eyes I see beauty

and someone who’s been forgiven

by her God’s GRACE!

So with that I say I’m finished,

and with one final look in you mirror.

I don’t see the monster, but my God’s grace.

You have lost your hold on me.

So I’m taking you off my wall,

and shattering you.

So you don’t tempt me

to replace my reproaches upon my back.

For my God has saved me.

And I’m going to look upon Him and not you. 

In ending know that this isn't an easy topic for me to share but I do. I felt led to share this with whoever may be reading this. I have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of me. When I am heading down a dangerous path He is there to convict my spirit. He leads me back to the truth found in the Word of God if I allow. He also, leads me at times to say or do something for others around me. I could, and sometimes do ignore His leading. Which often means a deeper leading. If I continue to ignore, then I will become numb to it. Lord, help me not to become numb to your leading. As much as it hurts at times. I know this refining is for my good and your glory. I don't want to hide or be ashamed of the work God has done or is doing in me. 

I don't know why I was led maybe, you yourself are at the point I was 6 years ago or maybe this will just be an encouragement to you. One thing that I do know is that God is faithful and I trust Him.

-Stormy

I am excited to announce:

If you are chosen then I will reply to your comment. The winner will be announced on the 15th of November at 8 pm (Mountain Standard Time). That means you have a week to enter. 

Thank you, for reading my blog I am truly blessed by each of you.

-Stormy